Ok, all of you who know me, you have my permission to kick the arse of a certain person, and very hard too. Some people are cowardly, others are just stupid. But some take the biscuit and hurt others feelings by leading them on.
Why couldn't you just tell me?
So if you are at La Roche (The Rocket) tonight, then you will hopefully be a friend and do me a favor.
In case you can't tell i'm fucking pissed off, and that doesn't happen very often.
Right people, listen up. If you would like to go to see Dirty Pretty Things at Middlesbrough or if you are already going then please let me know.
On a different note, revision is plodding along slowly yet surely with a possible trip to Empire or Dubliners tonight to stop my brain cells from dying completely from boredom. However if last night was anythign to go by, i'm not sure if i'll be able to handle my usual volume of alcohol before ending up on the floor. 5 shots making me drunk, thats rubbish!
Over the next few weeks i can see many of my posts tackling a similar theme, that of revision and exams. So far i'm concertrating on Social and Developmental Psychology and it's really doing my brain in. Don't expect many updates over the coming month, just a lot of late nights in the library. Oh and Ryan had to go to hospital today after having a widom tooth extraction...I'm really not looking forward to mine now.
In case you can't tell I'm back in Stockton, currently waiting for the library to open so I can do some revision (shock horror). Trip back was ok, no major disasters, went to the Rocket last night but to be honest it was a bit rubbish because hardly anyone was there.
Went to see "Smaller" on Friday, now I've finally remembered what the play was called. I love Maria having contacts as we ended up sitting in a Box all on our own and we felt very important with all these people staring up at us. I mean when I go to the theatre, I usually spend ages trying to work out how the hell people got into the boxes, now I know: have friends that work at the theatre! The play was very moving in some parts and hilarious in others. Alison Moyet can't act to save her life but her character was meant for her I think. Who else can sing a Robbie Williams medley dressed in a chicken costume and not crack up laughing at the absurdity of it all? Dawn French was perfect, mixing comedy with tragedy and it was a part I've never seen her play before but it suited her very well.
Now it's back to the monotony of work and revision. Do you think 942 words is enough to write for something that was supposed to be 1500 word limit? Maybe I should get back to it....
It's that time of the holiday again when I pack up all my worldly possessions and haul my arse back up to Stockton. This holiday has been overshadowed by the looming exams when I get back and I think most people just kind of forgot and are now panicking about the huge amount of revision we have to do. I have left the impossible essay and will not look at it till Sunday afternoon, where you will probably find me in the library tearing my hair out (quite reminiscent of yesterday actually).
Still I have tonight to look forward to as Miss Maria Wright and I are partaking in a little culture courtesy of Carrie and her free tickets. That's right, I'm finally getting to see Dawn French and Alison Moyet in that play that I've been wanting to see for ages, but for the life of me cannot remember the name! This is preceded by food and cocktails in our favorite Leicester Square haunt (TGI's).
I feel that I've somewhat neglected some people this holiday (Elyse especially *hug*) but then again I neglected everyone at Christmas! I've just had so much work to do and revision and trips to see people and working that I've left my friends alone. Well I'm playing catch up because I saw Maria once at Christmas and I didn't see Karen since last summer, so that's been rectified now. Plus I'm opening up my flat (both current and new) to anyone who wants to come and stay at any point after the 26th May (if you wish to visit over the next 3 weeks as well, I'm sure we can come to some arrangement). Over the summer I have no real plans apart from getting a job to try and kill my overdraft. So if you need a traveling companion or just want to hang out, give me a buzz!
Congratulations to Mr Biggs and Ms Black for both getting through to the X Factor Auditions! I'm sure they will both do great, and Scott, if you're worried about being on TV, then why are you auditioning in the first place? Hehe only joking!
We apologise for this disruption to our broadcast, now it's back to our regularly scheduled programming (e.g. Neuroscience essays)
I managed to drag myself back to the glorious Grays branch of W H Smiths today to see who was in. Well of course Simple Simon was there and we had a long chat about what we've both been up to. I'm so proud of him, he's growing up and even buying a flat with his girlfriend. However I don't think all is happy there as he made clear they'd been having a few "issues". He was asking about my own relationships and the phrase "it's complicated" doesn't satisfy someone like Si, so off we went outside for his break and a good old chat. He speaks sense and I feel a lot better about things thanks to him. Perhaps I should phone him from time to time like he tells me too, then he wouldn't feel the need to murder everyone who comes into contact with me. He's like the older brother I never had and I'm the sister he never had, guess that's what you get when you put 2 only children together. Plans have been made for the exchange of money for alcohol when I go back at the end of May which I look forward to, as I've seen Si hungover and tipsy but never drunk, and I feel the need to see this event before the end of the year.
Following on from my chat with Si, I realise that I've been slightly angry lately, well lets put it down to randomness and now I'm "better" for my return to Stockton on Tees. Thanks to people like Clare who have to put up with my random moaning about random crap all the time. Next term will be different in more ways than one.
Oh and Daggy, I admit defeat to the drinking competition in advance, but I will not lose the war.
It's the last week of the Easter Holiday and well there is much to do. My plan is to do nothing today (since I've just got up...) and write my final essay tomorrow. After that it's 2 manic days of packing and catching up with people, culminating in a trip to London on Friday night to see the play who's name escapes me now but it has Dawn French and Alison Moyet in it. After that it's back to jolly Stockton on Tees and the thrills of revision, with a few good nights out thrown in for good measure before the exams start. Who's up for the Rocket Quiz on Sunday?
I'd also like to point out that despite what you may have heard, I will not be returning to uni with black hair, it's disappearing today much to the disappointment of some and the joy of many.
Oh and for those of you who are observant, yes the title of this post is also that of a Less Than Jake song.
I hate, hate. HATE filling in forms. The most stupid of which has to be the Student Loan form. I've already told you that I normally live avec the parental units chez Essex, so why do I have to then tell you where my parents live 3 times after that? And why change the loan from just a simple loan to a Maintenance loan and a tuition fees loan? Do I need to apply for both or will it put me in even more debt? If I end up with less loan next year, I will not be happy.
Then there comes the NHS claims form for my dental work. How many benefits are there to claim? I'm amazed. And since I've told you that I'm English and live in England, why do I then have to make it clear that I'm not an international student? Can these people not read? Sorry I'm in a grumpy young student mood today, realising that I have no time to do all the things I need to do before Saturday. Still a meeting with an old friend will make it all so much better I think.
Yep that's right people, today Elyse, Andy, Tom and I went to Brentwood to play Crazy Golf. You know, golf that is crazy. Much fun was had by all, and I narrowly lost to Andy by 1 shot. I could have tied with him, but alas I was not used to the wet weather conditions. We also regressed back to childhood by playing on the swings, roundabout and of course who can forget the Fort! Now I'm sat at home with the unit's and a case (yes a whole case) of Kopparberg, the greatest think to come out of Sweden after those green marzipan cake things that I like so much, and of course the musical genius of ABBA. I joke about the last one. So with only 20 cans left (I may have had a couple last night upon returning home...) I am well on my way to not having to pay over the odds Spoon's prices. Sorry Daggy, I know you work there and everything but I prefer 95p a can to £1.99 a bottle.
Yesterday was Shaun's Birthday, he's really old now, only 3 years till he's 30! Since he had to work yesterday there was no celebrating, so tonight he is going out, but I already have plans so alas I can't join him and his friends (who scare me a little I have to say). So I just thought I'd say happy birthday to the main man and hope that tonight he has lots of fun and I shall catch up with him tomorrow for lunch and that trip he promised me! Oh and I apologise for releasing your age to the whole of the internet but hey, you really don't look that old!
We are all set for a weekend of decorating in my house. The living room currently has patches of paint all over it because no one can make a decision as to what colour goes best with the awful carpet. I also have been given permission (that's how we do things in his house) to re-decorate my room, which has been the same since we moved here 5 years ago, and was probably looking the same 20 years ago. So it's out with the wallpaper and in with a really nice bluey/grey/purpley paint and wooden floor. Now I just need to persuade the unit's to let me get a new bed and we're all set!
"I'm sick and tired, of always being sick and tired"
It's late (well not really but most people I know are in bed by now) and I can't sleep and it's partly due to all the thoughts going through my head. I'm trying so hard to be positive at the moment but to tell the truth I feel crushed and I'm not sure why. It's probably partly due to hormones which have been ravaging me quite ferociously lately for reasons unknown and this is leaving me feeling a bit unbalanced. I'm also feeling a bit fragile, partly because I've put myself out there on the line and I'm not getting much back in return. But most importantly I'm feeling angry. Angry at myself for letting me get like this. Angry at other people who obviously have a problem with me and therefore are causing things with my closest friend to become awkward. Angry at letting myself get caught up in something yet again for the second time this year and not learning from my mistakes. Angry at being indecisive most of the time. Angry at pretending to be blase about things to please other people. Angry at telling people exactly what they want to hear. Angry at not being able to read people sometimes. Angry at having to always second guess people and establish the double meanings to what they say in order to keep me sane. Angry at always believing the worst. Angry at not seeing what other people like in me. Angry at making just being with me hard work for other people. Angry at doubting everything and everyone. Angry at snapping at people all the time. Angry at making things hard for myself. Angry at people for not telling me the truth, or being too cowardly to admit it. I just want honesty, that's all I ask. From previous experience it's obvious that the male of the species have a problem with honesty in all forms.
I'm talking directly to 2 people in particular, both of which will never read this probably but it's here for them in case they feel the need to.
To you: If you find it weird seeing me then tell me, don't let me find out from other people. Ok so things are a lot different now than at Christmas but that doesn't mean we can't be friends. I accepted things before you did obviously, I just asked for your help that was all I was seeking, nothing more, but you had other ideas. I guess I never let myself grieve for things (yes, grieve that's what you do when things come to an end) and that's why I'm angry now, I never hated you though, never. I understand and I hope you understand too.
To you: Be honest with me. Where do you see things going? I'm too fragile to put up with much crap from anyone, let alone you. I've told you kind of how I feel, but how do you feel about things? I find myself reeling from things that you say to me every single day. But then I'm foolish, I think we established that earlier. Perhaps it's just the distance at the moment, maybe things will be different when I next see you. Will things be different when we get back to uni? I guess I'm just scared of being used and thrown away, discarded like some chew toy. By all means use me, but within a stable environment.
I find it easier to type when I have someone to direct my writing to. I think its rather therapeutic also. I'd just like to point out to everyone that I'm not really depressed at the moment, I may merely come across like that sometimes but I don't mean to be. I'm rather pessimistic by default.
Recently I've been a little strange to say the least and the parental units really don't know how to deal with me. So they've taken to buying me chocolate, and lots of it. It's no wonder I'm getting fatter. So working my way through a 250g bar of Dairy Milk with Biscuit, I find a raisin in it. Then upon starting the next row, I find 2 more raisins, until I get to the third row and this is full of raisins. This really annoyed me because in my head I was eating dairy milk with biscuit and the presence of these rogue dried fruits made me feel slightly sick. So I'm sending the remaining bar back to the factory to complain. In compensation unit XY came home from work today with two 400g bars. There's only 1 left...
I was kindly greeted yesterday by the above remark at Charing Cross station by the wonderful Maria. It just so happened that we both had the same bag, although her's was slightly cheaper than mine. Well you can't beat good fashion sense. The really strange thing was that when i bought the bag i though that it was the kind of thing Maria would want and then yesterday upon walking out of my house, i thought that if she did in fact have that bag then she would probably be using it on that day. How right i was.
The ever more wonderful Karen was also dragged along on our little IB meetup in the heart of our beloved capital city. Coffee was had in Starbucks, Cocktails in TGI's (many fond memories of that place) and then more alcoholic beverages were consumed at O'neil's (surprise surprise, it was an Irish pub that Maria directed us to). Much gossip was exchanged between our little coven including the tales of Michael and Maria (oh how i wish that saga hadn't ended) and how dull a place Hull is. It was good to see the college girls again and it made me realise that i've managed to loose touch with a majority of people that i've been to school with. I only talk to 1 person from primary school (Matty) a handful of people from the Convent and the same number of people from College. I just hope the same doesn't happen at uni! Friends are important to everyone. Never lose site of your true friends.
I now have in my possession Red Dwarf series 8 on DVD (along with a rather fetching scutter). This is an achievement for me, as now I can have my Red Dwarf marathon that I've always wanted! You can't say it's not a good TV program, it's hilarious! I'm going to force people to watch it at uni when revision gets too much.
Also you can tell I'm in a more chipper mood today, well that's because I managed to talk to a certain person that has been avoiding me for months. University seems to have mellowed her and I think we're on tack to stay friends for a bit longer. Also a chat with Brynuts resulted in me evaluating my place in the world and I now feel a lot better about things. Maybe life isn't quite so bad after all...
I feel like a total twat. I really do. This always happens. I get excited about something, tell a few people about it and how happy it's making me and then it all goes wrong. And this time i was even warned about it happening. I was so stupid to get my hopes up as well that something may develop from the current situation. Obviously not. How can i compete against other people? It shouldn't even be a competition anyway. I just wish people would be honest with me from the beginning, I hate feeling like this.
"Where the shock sets in, and the stomach acid finds a new way to make you get sick"
So bird flu has finally reached British shores. It was inevitable that something like this would eventually happen. What with all the biological warfare out there, I would have thought that a major pandemic would come in the form of a man made problem rather than a natural mutation. I'm reminded of the film 28 days later, among others, where panic sets in and the whole nation goes mad. Namely today I've had my Nan phone to ask if the parental unit's can help her stock up on tinned food so she doesn't have to leave the house for a while. Unit XX has even said that my beloved pet Pebbles has to now stay in the house in case she picks up something from the birds in the garden. *rolls eyes*
With the way my parents and the rest of my family are known to react to extreme circumstances, heaven help me if it actually crosses over to humans here, even then I won't be allowed to leave the house!
It seems that the cure of my insomnia was only temporary, and now it is back with a vengeance. In the past 2 days I've had less than 5 hours sleep, and it's starting to take it's toll on my body. I can't actually move at the moment, typing is a big effort as is merely breathing. Last night I found myself doing those old breathing exercises that I used to do on the many occasions that I found myself lying on the sick bench at the Convent: breathe in the white energy and breath out the black. It calmed me for a moment but didn't help me sleep. I usually feel tired when I can't sleep, but this time I'm awake and mentally willing to go out and do things, my body will just collapse on the way. If anyone has any good remedies that I haven't tried yet, then please send them my way.
Now I'm off to watch repeats of Lost, maybe it will distract me for an hour or two...
Yay! I'm now up to 200 posts of rubbish (which would have been achieved by now if I hadn't had to delete a few *ahem*).
Before we start I have to point out that April Fool's jokes are horrible. Especially when you're half asleep and can't quite work out where the person is coming from most of the time anyway.
Yesterday was spent in the company of a few old friends namely Wren and Dan whoIi haven't seen for ages and will not be known by most of the people who read this. We went for a brief visit to a band day at the Civic hall hosted by the Fat Surfer crew. After being surrounded by 14 year olds who think it's cool to all dress EXACTLY THE SAME, it was time to leave that place and head on to London, namely Camden, and indulge in a little retail therapy. Wren walked away with a large number of items from David and Goliath in Carnaby Street, while Dan perused the many skate shops, seeming to know just as many people as I did. My bank account didn't suffer too much and I returned with a new belt and a few books and things to help with revision. After dinner in Yo Sushi (oh how I've missed the place), I headed to the Metro club off Oxford Street to meet some people from college. The band we were expecting didn't turn up so instead it was a usual club night. At around 11, I started to let people buy me drinks since I'm owed so many, which wasn't really a good idea. Cue a very drunk Emma trying to explain to Dave (of musictek fame) why I needed him to pick me up from Dagenham station and take me home so I wouldn't have to bother my parents.
It proved a highly eventful day, which allowed me to catch up with a few people and also show me how much I miss London, nothing will ever compare to it, even though the trains don't work, you get attacked by Hare Krishna people everywhere you go, I know of at least 12 different people who have "connections" (if you know what I mean) and I do fear for my life sometimes. There really is no place like home.
Now it's time to go and support Cambridge in the boat race! (Sorry Stu!)